so. i've basically written in this randomly for the last couple of years, and just now, i started thinking, i may be reading this YEARS from now, trying to figure out what life was like from little fragments of it. so i'm writing a little summary. sorry if i sound whiny, but its just what i feel :)

the past couple of years, sophmore to the first semester of senior year, i felt like i was stuck. i wanted to be the best, but was dismayed that i couldn't do well without effort anymore. i've always been absolutely devoted to the things i love, and i devoted myself too much to extracurriculars, like ballet folklorico and trainers. i ended up doing bad in school the first grading periods, and wasn't strong enough to pick myself up from those lows.

i was stuck.

but now... things have changed. I took the SAT in April 2006, and got a 2040, first time, no studying. yea, i know, i'm bragging. i'm actually just really good at multiple choice for some reason. but anyways, it gave me alot of confidence. i had been given to thinking i was stupid, that there was no reason to do work if i was just going to do badly at it. but 2040 isn't bad. i knew my stuff. i felt like i finally had something to show in college admissions, and it made me want to fight.

first semester of senior year, i was ready to give it my all. i signed myself up for five AP's, along with evening school, and presidency of a club. it was WAYYYY to much for me- i ended up not doing a lot of my work, and actually getting my lowest GPA is my high school career. but, i succeeded. i learned that i had to work hard to succeed, but that doing too much when i was just learning to succeed was absolute suicide. i learned that i had to be strong through the tough times, had to learn how to recuperate from them, saw that i had to transition from a happiness-seeking person to a purpose-driven person, because i would never truly be happy unless i made a diffrence in the world, and that I, personally, could not make a difference without working my little butt off.

so now, for the first time in years, i have good grades ( A's or grades that will be A's once i turn some stuff in), i'm happy, not stressed, feel like i'm in control of my life, and feel like its only up from here

so even though i'm most probably headed to city college this summer, fall and spring (that depends on the slim chance of my getting into pitzer), its all good.

and when i re-apply to pitzer in the spring of 2008, i'll have a better record, and hopefully, a better chance of getting in, along with it :)

hey, world, i'd like you to know, that..

here i come