rocksevenstar's Xanga

change is good

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 19:56:35 GMT

http://rojjaporcelana.livejournal.com/

you know what bugs me?

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 14:04:24 GMT

supremely happy people. they are REALLLLY annoying.

i was trying to figure out why exactly they bug me so much, and i came up with chaos.

like, the universe is chaos. i dont know if there is a supreme ruler that makes sense of the chaos, and gives us the safety of order, i just kind of accept that the universe is stupid sometimes. it'll screw you over and then accidentally give you something good later on that wouldnt have happened if it hadnt screwed you over. haha, stupid universe

but anyways. chaos is integral to me. its the reason i feel like i have to devote myself to helping others, because there are some people the universe never messes up on, some people who never have a chance.

if someone is supremely happy, they are ignoring chaos- they are ignoring that there are millions of hungry, millions of poor, millions of people living in fear, lacking freedom to live their lives. maybe they do know about it, maybe they've done something about it, but still.

i hope to never be supremely happy. i always want to saddened by the fact that some 96 percent of the world doesnt have the same opportunities that you do, because that will keep me going, and keep me fighting for them.

=> =

hello, poor abandoned xanga

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 02:22:32 GMT

so xanga died sometime in august 2004 :( i wonder if anyone even signs on once a year, to check-just-in-case.

but anyways :) i made a black jersey skirt today, and it looks pretty good!

i have an idea for another one, knit around the butt area with a sewn on skirt

and i am sequestering myself until i finish it. its pink and used to be a sweater and i've een listening to pop all day. hellogoodbye gwen stefani akon yeah yeah yeahs. pop-ish stuff, anyways.

i am for once just enjoying my summer :) well except for one english class, but thats beside the point :)

offf to knit and be happy haha

art?

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 01:03:00 GMT

so yea. art. what if i majored in it?

i think that'd be too much. but i'm happy doing it. i'd find my way somehow, i'd make pretty things and save the world :)

there are so many ways i can use it, but... i dont know. its new to think that people use art for so much- like the people that plan out bands at coachella- that's art- at least in my mind. putting together a fashion show is art- even if most of it is organizing people, calling, etc. but there's still the music, the costumes... it looks like i'm good at it. i'll probably minor in art

ironic that i wasnt really even that into art until last year- it didnt seem serious. even last year, it still wasnt near a priority. not sure what changed. maybe it was the freedom to do whatever i wanted.

so. Art.

argh what to do what to do what to do?

sherwood says that LBCC has a really good art program, maybe that'll help push me in the right direction

2004-2005-2006 in summary

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 03:00:15 GMT

so. i've basically written in this randomly for the last couple of years, and just now, i started thinking, i may be reading this YEARS from now, trying to figure out what life was like from little fragments of it. so i'm writing a little summary. sorry if i sound whiny, but its just what i feel :)

the past couple of years, sophmore to the first semester of senior year, i felt like i was stuck. i wanted to be the best, but was dismayed that i couldn't do well without effort anymore. i've always been absolutely devoted to the things i love, and i devoted myself too much to extracurriculars, like ballet folklorico and trainers. i ended up doing bad in school the first grading periods, and wasn't strong enough to pick myself up from those lows.

i was stuck.

but now... things have changed. I took the SAT in April 2006, and got a 2040, first time, no studying. yea, i know, i'm bragging. i'm actually just really good at multiple choice for some reason. but anyways, it gave me alot of confidence. i had been given to thinking i was stupid, that there was no reason to do work if i was just going to do badly at it. but 2040 isn't bad. i knew my stuff. i felt like i finally had something to show in college admissions, and it made me want to fight.

first semester of senior year, i was ready to give it my all. i signed myself up for five AP's, along with evening school, and presidency of a club. it was WAYYYY to much for me- i ended up not doing a lot of my work, and actually getting my lowest GPA is my high school career. but, i succeeded. i learned that i had to work hard to succeed, but that doing too much when i was just learning to succeed was absolute suicide. i learned that i had to be strong through the tough times, had to learn how to recuperate from them, saw that i had to transition from a happiness-seeking person to a purpose-driven person, because i would never truly be happy unless i made a diffrence in the world, and that I, personally, could not make a difference without working my little butt off.

so now, for the first time in years, i have good grades ( A's or grades that will be A's once i turn some stuff in), i'm happy, not stressed, feel like i'm in control of my life, and feel like its only up from here

so even though i'm most probably headed to city college this summer, fall and spring (that depends on the slim chance of my getting into pitzer), its all good.

and when i re-apply to pitzer in the spring of 2008, i'll have a better record, and hopefully, a better chance of getting in, along with it :)

hey, world, i'd like you to know, that..

here i come

xanga and memories

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 02:47:51 GMT

what i absolutely love about xanga is that you can look back to previous entries, and get a little piece of yourself, from yourself, from back then. this journal has sporadically followed me through high school, and its pretty cool. i think i wrote something about that, in freshman year, in this same xanga. WIERD!

so i need to write my admissions essay...

senior year

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 03:55:13 GMT

good god. senior year.

it seems like things are finally coming together, both academically and personally, at the same time. first time since elementary school.

school starts wednesday. doing my darndest to get prepared. stupid greeks running through my head. turns out they like to fall in love and kill each other, at least in mythology, by edith hamilton.

I WANT TO GO TO PITZER!!!!!!!!

i swear, go on their site, look at their goals, and you'll be going... Marilyn! ....... Thats Marilyn!!!! ........ OhMyGosh that is SOOOOOO MARILYN!!!!!!!!

i know i was.

AND i am thinking about applied cultural anthropology. it would allow me to change the world in so many different ways.

so basically, life rocks. my best friends are superfantalastic, my boyfriend is very super indeed, my future is bright, my dreams are coming true- because i'm actually doing something about them, and, good gracious, i like myself. its freaking fantabulous. now if only i could finish ALLLLL the english HW by wednesday, i'd be set!

ha!

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 00:46:43 GMT

exactly a month since i wrote

Monday, June 19, 2006

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 03:07:30 GMT

so... after my hope went home today, I found my dad drunk in his room. yea. not cool. on father's day too. it was because we all got in a major fight.. and, well i dont want to go into family dynamics, but i cried at my dad and tried to reason at my mom, and well, my dad threw away the liquor and i succeeded in getting my mom even more angry. but yea. first time i ever see my dad drunk. wow.

craftster is down!

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 23:10:22 GMT

gahhh why oh why is craftster down?? errrr. that site is major addicting, expecially to kids with no other life like me :)

so- life. its warm and sunny in long beach california, i am starting to turn my customary indian brown already ahhh which means skin cancer when i get old, or at least a few too many wrinkles

now i'm thinking of going to berkeley. wouldnt that be cool? so i'm dreaming of ucla, hoping for berkeley, and expecting UC riverside (and yess, secretly inside i know its a long shot for even riverside, but shhhhh dont tell me that! i cant think that i cant do something when i want it, i am going to emphasize the optimist in me and squash the pessimist, self doubting part. squash her like a little bug. even though i wouldn't do that, being a nice, life-loving vegetarian and all.)

this summer is gonna be way full with volunteer, school, and more volunteer- for my full plans, go to www.xanga.com/rojaporcelana - its my getting into college blog. kinda boring, but if you're into that... :)

AND this summer is going to be deciding in lot of things- so many ways my life could go, departing from here... whoo!

i love fresh starts